The majority of Muslims have accepted official polygamy. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. These themes emerged in 3 main themes as Causes of polygamy, outcomes of polygamy, and coping strategies of polygamous women. The real term for that arrangement is polygyny, "the practice or condition of having more than one wife at one time." Poly was defined above, and -gyny probably looks familar, from words like misogyny and gynecology: it's the Greek gyne, "woman." But then came Thamsanqas shattering statement. By marrying uBaba Ive not only gained an amazing husband and beautiful children Ive also gained a sister I wouldnt otherwise have had. She was living with her in-laws and never allowed her husband to live with his second wife in the same household. Mrs. Abdullah also told though they have minor disputes among co-wives still they help each other. The two new wives bullied my mother and called her names. All the above shows that there is really no marriage between the both parties. However, on appeal the. Most women dreaming of settling down probably aren't imagining doing so with a man who is already married. One of the hardest aspects of being a second wife is having to deal with the emotional baggage of the failed marriage. In part, this is due to the fact that there is still a contingent for which a marriage without children is only slightly more honorable than a series of one-night stands. If the person in the second marriage who was married before didnt have children, then chances are they never have to even talk to their ex again. He proposed for marriage to me as a second wife. It found that while 70 per cent agreed that Muslim men have a right to polygamous marriages so long as they can treat all wives fairly, only 30 per cent would allow their own husband to marry . The reverse is probably true, too: When women are taken from the marriage market, men suffer. But when a man marries for the second time he knows what he's getting into. This can make for a challenging home life from day to day. Makes sense if there is no balance between males and females in a region. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. Mrs. Ahmad was a second wife and it was a love marriage. For Aneesa Azeez, a 23-year-old Muslim convert and college graduate, her husband's . READ MORE:Surviving a polygamous marriage. It was hell for my mom and me afterwards, Evelyn says. Unless of great importance or a family-related event, we rarely attended the same social event together with our husband.. I wouldn't go through the same experience again," he says. But honestly, if your significant other has already had a wedding, who cares? Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. The study describes the different experiences, reasons behind polygamy, its outcomes, and the coping strategies used by first, second, and third wives. What's popular and why. Naturally, I instantly felt like I wasnt woman enough for him, Lillian says. : A Liberal Case Against Polygamy. Women experienced various degrees of emotional difficulties including jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness, and lack of intimacy with their spouses. The difficulty is usually with the first wife. Its not a series of glittering evenings drinking martinis in smoky bars. Yet we have to shake off the stigma attached to being The Second Wife and say, with a smile, Yes indeed, Im his second wife. Barber N. Explaining cross-national differences in polygyny intensity: Resource-defense, sex ratio, and infectious diseases. In Pakistan polygamous women also facing many psycho social problems because our society is far away from the original teachings of Islam about polygamy. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. 2.Explain the nature of your relationships with co-wives. Tandler N, Petersen LE. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR, Ben-Shimol-Jacobsen S. Attitudes toward and reasons for polygamy differentiated by gender and age among Bedouin-Arabs of the Negev. Im in computer programming, which should tell you how much I love interacting with people, he says with a laugh. In literature, the problems faced by polygamous women were highlighted. Provide the three areas that were Islamized. They dream big. Even though there can be many advantages of being a second wife, you might feel inadequate when filling the spaces left behind by the ex-wife and kids. He dearly loved his wife, Mary Ann Angell. According to Mrs. Abdullah (3rd wife: Amina), she and other wives are living in the same home and got along well. The questions were translated into English according to the needs of international journal. Unfortunately, those stereotypes are not accurate. Results: Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. She believed that by allowing for a co-wife, she too would be blessed to have a child. Polygamy.com. Appointments were previously taken and the interviews were conducted at their places for their convenience. Dont be too quick to bash him, Lillian advises other women in her position. She was in severe depression after this trauma. I don't care about the feelings of his first wife, his first . The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. composed of two imperfect people. Mrs. Abdullah also had a love marriage. It can be a challenge if wounds from old relationships arent quite healed. A married couple that stays together can rack up plenty of debt, but what about a marriage that ends? 2006; 45(3): 311330. Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? She said "first wife of my husband always get more privilege than me." In the Muslim world, polygamy is acknowledged because it is supported and associated with religious doctrine as well as a fair and legal way of relationship. She was the first wife of her husband and it was a happy arranged marriage. Khazuyeva also has two parking spaces in an apartment building on Moscow's Mosfilmovskaya Street. If that doesnt work then they go to the husband and present their cases, and the husbands role is to restore peace. Children can complicate matters further as each mother might feel the maternal pull to protect her own offspring more than the children of the other wives. , each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. Instituting change for women in a male-dominated society is a daunting task; however, it is essential. A nurse brought me this far she took me into her arms and her home and decided she would be my mother. You constantly feel that your partner knowingly or unknowingly puts his previous family before you and your needs. The sensitivity and the comfort level of discussing polygyny may have affected the sample size. She said, in the beginning, I was not happy but with time and being realistic I have admitted and have divided the household chores. My husband has two wives . Kadyrov's second wife also has a place to stay in Moscow, with three apartments registered in her name. Mrs. Ahmad being 2nd wife told that after second marriage "I and my co-wife did not get along; our children also did not get along, and there was constant bickering between us. She stated I prefer not to attend the same social function or activity with my rival (co-wife). The surprise is this: when the moment comes, the man jumps with alacrity. She tried her best to convince her husband not to get married to another woman but she was not succeeded. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. She was divorced from her second husband because of infertility and the first time her husband died of an illness. But thats not how it works out for everyone. First theme: reasons of polygamy as findings indicated that majority of females allowed their husbands for co-wives due to infertility or having only female children, husbands love marriage, and in-laws family pressure because they wanted to secure their marriage instead of divorce. Polygamy has become very common in numerous cultures particularly in Islamic society. How Is It Different From Marriage Counseling? Lillian takes care of the children and is responsible for the admin of the taxi business, and Thembi still works as a nurse. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. The current study provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. She said, "I used to take care of my child and co-wife's as well". Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didnt quite open, he is nevertheless willing to do it again and at an even greater risk-- everyone knows second marriages are risky. In some countries like India, Iran, Iraq, Bangladesh, Algeria, Lebanon, Morocco, Jordan, and Kuwait allow a woman to include a clause prohibiting polygyny in marriage contacts. Mrs. Kamal reported "in the beginning when I thought about the second wife, I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurt me." She said, 2nd wife of my husband also helps me in daily households activities. READ MORE:Customary law know your rights. So, you're happily married to the Muslim man of your dreams when, suddenly, he drops the p-bomb: polygamy. A new law that went into effect in Kenya this week makes it legal for a man to marry as many women as he wants. She got a marriage proposal from a married man to be his second wife as his first wife had a medical condition due to which he had not been able to sleep with her for last 11 years. Six were first (senior) wives, four were second wives, and one was the 3rd wife in status. The co-wives were approached from their homes. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. Evelyn*, 32, tells DRUM her mothers experience was awful. So second marriages tend to have less of the giddiness and more of the serious daily life attached. A record of 26 women was collected for polygamous families through snowball sampling for the availability of co-wives. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. The outcomes of polygamous marriages have also been seen. International Journal of Mental Health. It's like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. This was a very uncertain and painful time for me. Shes a nurse, not one of those rude ones, and she was kind and very helpful. The appropriate strategies which are purposefully working by co-wives must be enhanced with proper education and implement programmers that teach coping mechanisms and stress management.